spill your heart out.

[seynee]

INBOX.

Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to come back here. Tell me anything. Tell me what you really think of me or yourself. Anything you like.

Post anonymously. Speak honestly. Post as many times as you like ♥

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

HI.

[seynee.livejournal.com]

Hellooooooo! ♥

[(Anonymous)]

I wish I could tell him how stupid he is. I mean. Really, chasing after a girl who doesn't even spare him a second glance? Wanting to wait for her FOREVER? I wish he'd just open his eyes and see what's good and what's not good for him.

I wonder why I'm not in love with him.

[seynee.livejournal.com]

You know what? Boys. Boys. Boys. There's really no other way around it. If it really pisses you off, why don't you talk to him about it?

Not sure if we're still talking about the same him, but... do you have to be in love with him? D:

[(Anonymous)]

reg, i wish i'm in love with someone.
i see people being in a relationship and being so happy and i really want to feel that way. i wonder why i've never been in love with anyone before...

[(Anonymous)]

Relationships aren't always happy, Anon. Love isn't always requited. Once it is, it might be that happy phase for a while, but that happiness doesn't last forever.

I'm sorry I'm cynical about love. I just am.

[(Anonymous)]

I want you to know that you're an awesome person. Don't feel bad or horrible for feeling certain things for certain people, especially when they deserve it. Not all people are worthy of your kindness, so you don't have to be kind to everyone. Trust me on this, wouldn't you? (:

[seynee.livejournal.com]

Thank you so very much! ♥
And yes. Yes, I'd trust you on this. :)

[(Anonymous)]

I think you're a wonderful person. I'm bad at stuff like this plus I really shouldn't be on anyway, but have a smiley.

:)

[seynee.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It really means a lot to me that at least someone out there thinks this way :)

[(Anonymous)]

I'm very active on Twitter (you probably know who I am just by this sentence) and Tumblr. I like it there, but things like people always being heartbroken and feeling sad about it kind of annoy me. I know what it's like to be heartbroken, really, but to announce that you're crying all the time to the public because this one boy won't return your feelings? Yeah. Not my cup of tea.

My parents have high expectations of me and I'm so tired.

I'm glad I have friends. I wonder if it's necessary to have ONE best friend, like the special person you go to when things go awry. I don't have anyone like that. I have a bunch of friends, but not ONE special friend. I don't know.

My grades are average. I used to be more than this, but I feel like I've been... enjoying other things more that I suppose I'm starting to neglect school.

I don't really feel. I wonder why. When someone insults me, I don't feel like punching them. I just feel all "eh, whatever, it's their business what they think of me". I laugh, but I mostly laugh because everybody else laughs. It's a bit confusing. It doesn't bother me all that much, but should it bother me that nothing really bothers me?

Long comment. Sorry.

[(Anonymous)]

Hii! Different anon here

I can absolutely empathize with the parents thing. I'm kinda banging my head about this as well. And I'm also sorta neglecting school but I think it's worth it if I judge that I'm having enough fun in the neglect time.

And I don't think it's necessary to have one best friend. I have a lot of different friends I go to (well, 3-4) depending on what subject it is. Just having one best friend is no fun and there's no ONE special friend that I go to all the time.

[(Anonymous)]

I wish I can be more of myself here. I don't understand why I find it really hard while other people seem to do it effortlessly. It's the Internet, self, it really can't get any easier than this. But it's hard for me, I don't know why. Is something wrong with the way I think?

[seynee.livejournal.com]

I suppose other people do it effortlessly because of the anonymity. People don't know who you really are unless you tell them, and even then you can actually be lying. I wouldn't say that there's something wrong with you at all! Each one of us express ourselves differently to one another, and some people express themselves better through the Internet, that's all.

But hey, look! You're more open here. That's a start :)

[(Anonymous)]

I'm so frustrated with my addiction to the internet. I want to focus on school, having a social life, SLEEPING, and doing other much more productive things. But whenever I get scared or uncertain, I fall back into mindlessly surfing the internet. I'm really disgusted at myself for that and I wish I could stop it but I've been highly unsuccessful so far. Stupid addiction :(

Also, I wish I could tell my family about my internet family but...that wouldn't turn out well at all. My parents are way too biased and think that everyone online is a rapist/has bad intentions. I have so many good memories with my internet family (or group or whatever) and so many stories that I want to share with my mom but I can't. I'd like to meet some of them too or mail them stuff but I would never be able to without my parent's approval. I wouldn't meet every random person on the internet of course, just those that I have known for 2+ years and highly trust. I'd like to tell my mom of my friend in Columbia who has helped me so much with my spanish work. I'd like to tell her about my friend from Canada who's like my eccentric big sister who's really talented at art and doing fake bird calls. I'd like to tell her about my friend in Texas who I talk to about most my problems that I don't feel comfortable talking about to real life friends (and she's a great person to fangirl to too). I'd like to tell her about my friend from Michigan who I flail to about IB stuff and my other friend who goes to Yale who likes to troll but is generally nice to me. But sadly, I can't tell her about this or else the first thing she'd do is freak out and then probably try to cut me off. But really without these friends I wouldn't be the semi-stable person I am today and I wish she could get past her bias and understand how much of a good influence they are to me.

I also think my family is biased against homosexuality, blacks, and other things and that also frustrates me. When I bring up that I am friends with a lesbian couple, they begin to lecture me on how unnatural it is. They also are like "why the hell do you want to join your school's gay-lesbian-bi-transexual club?! You aren't any of the following are you? You shouldn't hang out with those types of groups!" It's also frustrating because I'm bisexual but I'll never tell them until I'm far away from home. They aren't super biased, but biased to the point that it's kinda annoying when I give them a reasonable point and then they are like "whatever my opinion is my opinion and that is final" without even an explanation on why they believe in that belief. I guess since it's been ingrained so long. But still, annoying/frustrating.

/end rant :D

[seynee.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, I got your back there. @_@ My dad used to ask me what is it on the internet that I keep wasting my time on. It got to the point where I spent every waking hour in front of the computer, browsing, playing online games (Ragnarok, at that time. Stupid addiction indeed), or whatever it was that I liked to do. It was so bad that my dad threatened to ban my computer, and when I didn't listen, he really did. He took away my monitor for several days. Back then I didn't have a laptop so taking away my monitor would mean no computer for me, at all. I suppose if you really want to stop you should look for other things to do, other things you're comfortable with doing, to distract yourself from always using it. Like reading, for example, which is kind of more productive than just spending time on the internet? Ask your mom to help you with it, if you're really concerned about it. If my dad hadn't taken away my monitor and banned me from using the computer for several days I think I wouldn't have been able to stop...

As for your parents... my parents are like that, too. If they know that I have an LJ and that I'm pretty open about my life, they'll freak. I'm not exactly sure how to get around this, either. I know it's not nice to hide people who are important to you and it's really a dilemma. I'm not going to suggest this, but this is what I do with my parents. I tell them that I have a "friend from school", and when they ask for the friend's name, I just tell them what their names are. When they're ready (if they'll ever get ready...) I'll probably tell them the truth. @_@ It IS technically lying so I wouldn't suggest doing it, but... well.

Listening to you, I'm getting the impression that your parents are pretty traditional parents. Yeahhh, it's very frustrating when they just dismiss your opinion, especially when the reasons are "we know better than you" or "you're still too young". Maybe the next time they impose their opinions to you, you can ask them why and have a discussion or debate or the like. It usually ends with a fight every time I do that, but if you're clear-headed and you really want them to listen to you, it probably won't. Or you could pull the whole "whatever my opinion is my opinion and that is final" thing on them, because really, your opinion IS yours and that is final! /brick'd

I'm sorry I'm not much help. But good luck! ♥

[(Anonymous)]

I really envy my cousin.

She's one of the best girls around. She's friendly, plays the piano extremely well, won some contests, had some recitals. People invite her to play for them. She's amazingly thin and keeps her figure well. I don't know if she's pretty because I don't think so, but to people she might be pretty. Long hair, large eyes, those stuff. She's liked by people. She was Prom Queen and she won debates without having to prepare for them.

I wish I'm more like that, you know? I've been told I'm nice and quite good-looking, but I wish I have her talents, her personality. Instead I'm just this ordinary person she outshines without even having to try.

[seynee.livejournal.com]

This isn't probably going to help much (if any), but I feel that way too, sometimes. But then I realize that there are things I have more than other people, things that make me different, make me ME. And somehow, that's even better than winning contests or having recitals or anything.

I think it's normal to be a little envious. There's always that girl who is prettier, nicer, more popular, smarter, whatever-er than us, but we'll always have something more, too. It DOES get annoying when everyone is all over her when we're standing right there, but when you find something you have that you're really proud of, I'm sure it wouldn't bother you as much.

Someone once says something along the lines of... "no one's better at being you than you", and I always remember that line every time I need encouragement to be more of myself. :)

[(Anonymous)]

I want to be THIN.

[(Anonymous)]

Why?

[(Anonymous)]

We used to be 'friends' here. I can't remember which of us friended the other first or even who you are really, but I was just going back to look over some poetry or some pictures or something in some long forgotten entry, and I found one of your comments. It was when I was having a tough time with something, and you were so strong for me.

You seemed so brave and larger than life, and I can't even remember you outside of that paragraph of hope that you left for me. I checked around and didn't see any other comments from you around that time, but I had to have friended you - my LJ has always been locked.

I can't remember defriending you either, but you're not in my list of friends anymore and that comment is two years old now and none of our interests are the same.

I don't miss you because I don't even remember you, but I think I might miss what we could have been. Maybe you and I could have been amazing friends, or maybe it was just fated that we not recall one another, like shooting stars crossing trails. I'm sorry for whatever it was I did that caused us to drift apart. Thank you for supporting me when I needed it. If nothing else, know that I loved you for that moment.

[seynee.livejournal.com]

To be honest with you, I'm not sure what to say.

I don't remember what I did two years ago, and I don't know who you are, but I feel sad for we're not what we could have been. Reading this message assures me that you're a great person and you're very sweet to leave me something like this. I am definitely not larger than life or brave at all, but I appreciate you for thinking like that. People come and go, and it's when we have that realization of what could have beens that I feel like I should have done something more. If we have drifted apart, then I don't think it's something you did - a friendship is a two-way relationship, and now I'm just sorry I didn't try harder to hold on or to stay or anything like that. I just think it's sad that I might have missed something that could have been great.

Just. Thank you, thank you so much. I wish you well, whoever you are. :)

[(Anonymous)]

Are you still reading these? Do you still want stories?

[seynee.livejournal.com]

I'm still reading these! And sure, I'd love stories if you want to tell me them. :)

8D

[(Anonymous)]

I WORSHIP YOU. :)
...in that non-stalker-ish way. >D

I don't know, but your writing style makes me...inspired?
When I saw your old account on FFN, and seeing how much you changed and got better, I felt like I could do the same thing.
So, thank you for that. C:

[[The Sky's Bouquet @ FFN]]

Re: 8D

[seynee.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, this is the SWEETEST COMMENT EVER. ♥

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Extremely honored to be able to inspire you, even if it's only for a little. I'm sure you can do anything just as long as you set your mind to it!
Good luck, take care (:

[(Anonymous)]

You're nice to everyone. I admire that from you. You never treat people badly, even if they (might) deserve it, and you never seem to think bad of other people. That's one quality I'd like to have because I always manage to think about people negatively... well, most people, that is. I don't know. Sometimes I think something is wrong with me, you know? I don't find it hard to see the good in people, but I find it way easier to see the bad in them. And there always is some bad in them...

[seynee.livejournal.com]

Oh... oh, honey. As much as I'm flattered you think this highly of me, I really have to admit that this is not true at all. I'm not nice to "everyone". I can be really awkward, and I do think negatively of people sometimes when circumstances say so.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you, dear. This might be weird, but I suggest you surround yourself with positive people. From what I've experienced, whether we realize it or not, we tend to get affected by people around us. So if they're negative people (by that I mean pessimistic, cynical, etc.), we might think that way, as well...

[glassygreen.livejournal.com]

I LOVE YOU-

[glassygreen.livejournal.com]

-AND I DON'T NEED TO BE ANON TO SAY THAT-

[glassygreen.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER BEEN MINE.

OH YEAH BABY.

[seynee.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE OFFICIALLY CRAZY. ♥

hi

[(Anonymous)]

hi, I might be just another random anon here but I admire your writing
I got lots of inspiration from your writing, thanks a lot
again, hi :)

Re: hi

[seynee.livejournal.com]

Wow, THANK YOU! \o/
I'm so glad I inspired you (how did THAT happen, honestly? o_o) and I'm just, unf, thanks! ♥
And hi! How do you do?

Now I wish you didn't have to be anon because I would so love to reach across the internet and give you a hug right now. *is creepy*

[(Anonymous)]

RAH RAH AH AH AH
ROMA ROMA MA
GAGA OO LALA

Seriously. This needs no explanation.

[seynee.livejournal.com]

Unff, no. I prefer:

I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN
I'LL FOLLOW YOU UNTIL YOU LOVE ME
PAPA-PAPARAZZI

*is shot*

hi

[(Anonymous)]

hi there! just want to say that i really do love your writing and it really inspires me so much. especially that Pepsi Theory :)

hope to read more of you stories.

Re: hi

[seynee.livejournal.com]

Hi there, how are you? Thank you so much for taking the time to say this, whoever you are. It's nice to know that what I wrote is read, but it's even nicer to know that it inspires you! I have no idea how it could, but I'm really glad it's of some use ♥

And I hope to see more of you! ;)

[(Anonymous)]

I don't really have much to say other than your writing is very beautiful. The way words flow in your writing is so... aesthetic? I guess. I'm not sure if that's the right word to put it. But overall, I really do like your writing.

-Derii

[seynee.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked my writing, it means a lot to me. ♥

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry if I'm bothering you.

Someone online asked a question in a chat-box, and I'm pretty sure it's directed to me. She asked about pansexuality, and had ended the question with "How is it different from bi unless it includes animals and objects?"

I don't think she was deliberately being rude, but I can't help but to feel offended and even hurt by that. I'm pansexual myself, but it's not like I feel sexual affection for inanimate objects or animals. Pansexuality is about disregarding gender and loving a person for other reasons. You can call me gender-blind in the romance field.

Speaking of which, my dad's a great man. He loves me and I love him, but the one thing he won't accept about me is the fact that I'm pansexual nearing absolutely homosexual (bisexual in the norm's eyes). I can't get out of the closet in front of him now.

Thank you for putting this post up.

[seynee.livejournal.com]

You are not bothering me at all, and I'm so sorry if you ever thought that way.

I think her question was mostly driven by her unawareness of such things. I guess the world (in general) is more... concerned, shall we say, on LGBT that most people don't know what pansexuality (as an example) is. That said, I don't know who you are, who she is, and what your relationship is like, so I suppose I can't really help much with that - although I would say one thing: it's okay to be offended and hurt with what she said, even if it wasn't directed at you.

Case in point: I'm friends with a girl who suffers from various EDs, and it bothers me when someone says, "But she's not even thin, are you sure she has bulimia?", even if it's not directed at me. I guess what I'm trying to say is... people don't understand. Some of them don't try to understand and some don't even want to. I'm so all over the place and am probably going in circles, but I hope you have someone who really truly does understand you, or at least won't judge you, sexual orientation or any other matter. It means a lot to have support, even if it's just one person.

Parents are a whole different issue. It's a sensitive one for me, especially regarding sexual orientation, because I am way more open-minded than they are. I guess it might just be a generational difference because such things were less... accepted in their era? Maybe you can wait a little, expose him to it little by little before you really come out. I don't think it's healthy to hide who you are from the people close to you, and it may come to hurt you in the long run.

I'm really, really, really sorry I've only replied now, and now that I have, that I can't help much at all. But know that if you ever need a place to vent, anonymously or not, I'll always be here. I won't judge. Promise.

I hope things get better for you ♥

[(Anonymous)]

My dad thinks I'm not his child because my mom was raped. He favors my little sister and doesn't give me any time of day. Whenever we have a family vacation, he always makes me wait in the hotel while they go sight seeing. He doesn't send me to school and tells me that if I want to go to school, I should pay for my own tuition fee.

My mom practically hates me because of the rape thing. My sister doesn't care. My relatives hate me more.

The only people I can trust are my friends.

Any advice?

[seynee.livejournal.com]

First of all, I'm so, so sorry that you had to go through all of this. This is just so unfair.

I'm by no means an expert on these things, but does your dad speak openly with you? By that, does he act out what he thinks or is this just an assumption you have made (that he's treating you a certain way because he's not sure whose child you are)? What does your mom think about this unfair treatment? I can't imagine that she'll be a hundred percent encouraging of his treatment towards you. Regardless of whose child you are, he should have accepted it and at least tried to treat you as equally as possible the moment he married your mom - that's what I think. Making you wait in the hotel during vacations is just completely unnecessary; don't they have locks? Besides, the school thing sounds quite extreme - do you mean high school or tertiary education?

I'm sorry, but your family sounds very, very... mean. How did they end up blaming you for the rape? Anybody could see that it was nobody's fault! Is this how they've always treated you, from the moment you were born? D:

This will sound terribly insensitive of me, but have you considered testing?

Like I've said, I'm no expert on such things and I don't think I give the best advice, so I'll just tell you what I'll do if I were in your position: talk to them. Sit them out, really talk it over with your parents about how you feel, how they feel, make it all clear so there wouldn't be any misunderstanding or assumption about this anymore. If that fails, please, please do talk to someone. Definitely talk to someone. Do you have any teacher/school counselor that you can trust who might offer you more experienced advice? For what it takes, your parents definitely need to hear that how they're treating you is wrong, and if they don't want to hear it from you, then they should hear it from someone who's officially qualified for it.

At the moment, I'm just glad that your friends are there for you - they'll at least be your strength, and I always believe that as long as you have something to hold on to, you can get through just whatever.

[(Anonymous)]

I go secretly ballistic over the smallest things. I never tell people but I feel it every time.

[seynee.livejournal.com]

What kind of small things are you talking about? What's small for other people may be big for you and what's small for you may be big for other people. It's completely fine, it may just be a matter of perspective!

[(Anonymous)]

I wish more people would talk to me, here on LJ. I see you having conversations with people on your f-list, like in comment threads and all, and I think, I wish I have that.

[(Anonymous)]

Aw anon, there are a lot of nice people here! Try striking up a conversation with someone on your f-list, you may find that you have a lot of things in common. Hell, I don't really have much conversations with people on my f-list! I only have conversations with 3 of them actually. And one of them is Reg, and I'm really thankful for her companionship.